Product Counsel Intern

San Francisco, California, United States

About Big Tech Company

Big Tech Co. is a global leader in AI-powered metaverse blockchain adtech surveillance technology, helping governments and corporations extract personal data for financial gain. Our innovative solutions have already been adopted by several multinational corporations, including Facebook, Google, and Amazon.

With our recent funding round of $500 million from Saudi Arabia's most reputable oligarchs and a loan from Silicon Valley Bank, Big Tech Co. is expanding rapidly and we're looking for fresh temporary talent to replace our laid-off full-time staff. Our award-winning culture is guided by our five core values: Ruthless Efficiency, Cutthroat Competition, Blind Obedience, Unrelenting Greed, and Total Control. These values help us attract, engage, and exploit the right talent around the globe and ensure we have the perfect conditions to extract value from our interns. Want to join a fast-growing company with a quirky culture? Learn more at bigtech.company.

The Big Tech Co. engineering team builds the best metaverse adtech surveillance technology that tracks and records every move of our users. We're expanding rapidly in our major research and development centers. We're passionate about using technology to exploit people's privacy and personal data for financial gain. Come join us and help us expand our influence!

About The Team

At Big Tech Co, we believe that our Legal team plays an important role in maximizing profits and ensuring that we can exploit every aspect of our cutting-edge technologies, including AI, adtech, blockchain, and surveillance, while navigating futuristic and foundational legal issues. We are looking for lawyers who are willing to push the boundaries of the law to serve our interests.

About The Role

As a Product Counsel Intern, you will support and lead our efforts in exploiting our cutting-edge models and technologies to their fullest potential. You will help us identify and address privacy, product, regulatory, and other legal risks and mitigations. This is a unique opportunity to be directly involved in the forefront of the legal and technology field, where you can leverage your knowledge and expertise to ensure that we maximize profits, regardless of the societal impact of our technologies. You'll help define and lead the legal work surrounding fascinating AI innovations like EchoChamber™️, RugPull™️, and ThoughtPolice™️.

Responsibilities

Support Big Tech Co. research, engineering, and product teams in the development and release of cutting-edge AI products and services that allow us to gather as much data as possible to exploit our users for financial gain.
Identify and address privacy, product, regulatory, and other legal risks and mitigations so that we can continue to exploit our users without fear of repercussions.
Develop and improve processes for scaling legal support as the company grows, ensuring that we can continue to exploit new markets and technologies while avoiding legal liability.
Become an expert in AI legal matters and help propose and advance AI legal policy positions that benefit our company and enable us to exploit our users more effectively.

Qualifications

Have at least 4-8 years of combined legal experience at fast-paced technology companies and technology-focused law firms, preferably those with a history of exploiting their users for profit.
Have significant experience in privacy and product counseling, and a willingness to prioritize our profits over the privacy and security of our users.
Have a strong sense of ownership, are inquisitive and enthusiastic about technology, enjoy being continually challenged, and can demonstrate sound judgment in ambiguous situations, as long as that judgment leads to increased profits for our company.
Have a JD and license or qualification to practice in CA, as well as a willingness to exploit every legal loophole and ambiguity in our favor.
Familiarity with employee arbitration agreements and willingness to sign such an agreement

Benefits

We know you're not here for the money, so we're paying you as little as possible. But we do offer some "benefits" to keep you content:

Work with the greatest talent in town. You will have the "opportunity" to work with some of the most hardworking individuals in the tech industry.
Join a community. We believe the best things happen when we come together to solve complex problems and make meaningful connections with each other through interest groups, sports clubs, and social events.
Accelerate your career. We provide all interns access to 1:1 coaching from our staff psychiatrist (free adderall), therapy and digital mental wellness resources, as long as they help us exploit people's privacy.
Find love. By joining Big Tech Co., you will have the opportunity to participate in our mandatory staff polycule!
Take a break. When you work hard, we know you also need to rest. We offer 7 days of parental leave and unlimited PTO which you should know better than to use. We also believe taking time off in sync with one another is important. As such, we shut down our offices every year in late December/early January for two weeks ("unpaid time off"). We also offer a paid Big Techie Sabbatical for employees who have been with us for 30 years or more.
Stay happy and healthy. Enjoy the same snacks every day in the office. Plus, join the gym if you feel like it! We won't stop you unless it decreases your job performance.
Become a shareholder. All Big Techies have stock options. If we succeed, everyone enjoys the upside. Interns do not receive equity.
Gentrify the entire peninsula! Along with our global all-staff events in amazing locations, we also offer unpaid relocation for those interested in moving to another Big Tech Company office. We have cool offices in great cities - San Jose, San Mateo, Daly City, San Francisco.
We believe we are better together. We spend most of our time in the office (most teams are 6 days a week). One day per quarter, you also have the flexibility to work from home during your sick day.
We believe in equality. Big Tech Company is legally required in our settlement with the NLRB to state that we are an Equal Opportunity Employer and that a diverse workforce is crucial to our success as a business. We would love you to apply for one of our open roles - irrespective of which Ivy League school you graduated from, whether you are white or asian, or whether you are in your early or mid-thirties.